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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23160328">To Hear You Once More</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kJez/pseuds/kJez'>kJez</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hallucinations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut, Some Humor, Substance Abuse, Supernatural Elements</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:09:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,707</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23160328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kJez/pseuds/kJez</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been six months since Lee Jeno lost the love of his life.</p>
<p>As time passed, he began trying to cope with the loss. He worked harder, went out to meet new people, tried to look after himself, and talk to his friends more often. There was nothing he hadn't tried, but for some reason, he simply couldn't get past his loss. </p>
<p>He couldn't seem to shake the feeling that Jaemin's still there...<br/>right beside him...<br/>Reaching out to him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Hear You Once More</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Let me hear your voice. Just let me hear you one more time.<br/>The same voice that soothed me while I hurt the most.<br/>The same voice that called out to me in the dark of the night.<br/>Let me hear your voice. You, whom I call home.<br/>You’ve disappeared with the wind, but I feel you beside me.<br/>Let me know you’re still here, so I can run to you once again.</p><p>------------------------------------------------<br/><br/></p><p>The sharp sunlight pierced through the thin curtains that fluttered against Jeno’s windows. Spring was teetering around its end, and the air was getting steadily warmer. He’d left them open simply because of the night sweats he had now grown accustomed to. The breeze didn’t do much to cool him, but it did keep him from feeling like he was in a vacuum.<br/><br/>See, it had been six months since the incident — 173 days days to be exact — and it hadn’t gotten any easier: waking up in the same empty bed every day, eating alone, working alone. He couldn’t stand to even look in the mirror anymore, he was such a mess. He hadn’t shaved in weeks. Besides, it’s not like his job demanded he looked like some Korean idol all the time.<br/><br/>He trained people at the gym for a living. The only thing that mattered were his muscles, but even those had started to rapidly lose mass. He could barely stand to eat the way he used to and it was costing him. His boss had already spoken to him about it twice, trying to be lenient since he’d just lost his husband, but his patience was wearing thin, Jeno could tell.</p><p><br/>Clumsily, he cracked open 4 eggs and tossed the yolks down the drain before scrambling them. Eating it halfheartedly, he watched the still-flailing curtains at his window. For a moment, they seemed to freeze in mid-air, like time had stopped. Jeno sighed. He’d have to remember to close it, but he often forgot to because he needed the room to be not so empty, not so silent.<br/><br/>Every night was the same. The same recurring dream of that day, again and again. It had been a lovely day, the night had been crisp. Jeno had come home, ecstatic about his promotion, hands full with takeout bags. They were going to Netflix and gorge themselves on chicken and beer (Myscato for Jaemin since he hates the taste of regular ol’ alcohol). Instead of the usual angelic smile, warm embrace and gentle kisses, the cooing of “Je-No-Jaem”, he found a pool of water, leading him to the bathroom on the ground floor. He’d followed it to find Jaemin in the tub, wrists sliced open, red streaks intertwining with the clear water of the tub.<br/><br/>He’d dropped everything, sliding along the tiled floor till he got to the tub, the taller boy’s face set in a peaceful expression, like he’d finally achieved what he’d wanted to. He’d held the damp body, screamed his name, called 911, held him again until his clothes were indistinguishable from Jaemin’s wet, bloodied ones. He’d clung to him as the ambulance came, the faint pulse had been enough hope for him. <br/><br/>He’d spent the night pacing outside the ICU, and when morning broke, for the first time in years, he’d stepped into a church and on his knees before God. He’d prayed till his knees were bruised, refusing to budge until he got a call from the doctor. Jaemin had passed on despite all their best efforts. Jeno’s prayers had not been answered. He'd walked his feet bloody that day without a single tear left to spare. <br/><br/>His love had never shown a moment’s weakness, even when he’d thrown his back out so bad that he had to spend a year in physiotherapy. He had been the most resilient, ever-smiling boy Jeno had ever had the pleasure of knowing. Even when he’s mad, Jaemin was never truly angry. His love was endless, his heart was big enough to accommodate the whole world. He had so much to give, and all of a sudden, he was gone; he’d taken his own life without a warning, without a goodbye. <br/><br/>What hurt him most was that he didn’t even know why. Not a single moment betrayed the innate sadness that had no doubt caused Jaemin to cut himself open. Forever, Jeno knew he’d blame himself. Somewhere, somehow, he’d done something wrong, he thought to himself. Somehow, he’d fucked up, and now it was too late to find out how or why, what or when.<br/><br/></p><p>Jeno inhaled sharply, chasing away the intrusive thoughts that often left him incapacitated. He had to get ready for work. He’d been drinking more than he should lately, and it was taking a toll on his body, mind and his wallet. If not for work, he’d have to live on the streets, and that’s what kept him going.<br/><br/>He stretched and got dressed, jogging to the gym that was just a few blocks away. Since it was a Wednesday, the crowd that morning were the usual pre-work lot. He saw the familiar faces he greeted every day; one in particular, he was slightly more enthusiastic about. <br/><br/>“Jeno-yah! Morning!” Renjun called from the otherside of the gym. “Renjun-ah! Hey! How’s it going?” Jeno smiled as he put away his bag behind the counter. “Ah well, you know. The goal’s still the same,” Renjun responded, flexing his skinny arms with all his might, making Jeno chuckle. </p><p>“Well, let’s get to work then!” Jeno called back.</p><p>Jeno helped Renjun work on his arms, back and chest, with Renjun making the same flirtatious comments that Jeno swatted away with nonchalance every time. Two hours later, their session came to an end. <br/><br/>Jeno moved to the general crowd who were struggling with their workouts while Renjun took off to shower. He was helping an older woman stretch when Renjun approached him on his way out. “Psst, hey. Jeno. May I borrow you for a quick second?” Jeno excused himself and followed Renjun to a corner. “Yeah? What’s up?” Renjun looked a little bashful. <br/><br/>“Look… I… I’ve been thinking. We’ve got great chemistry and all. We work well together! I know it’s been a really rough time for you and I don’t want to push. You’re grieving and I get that, you know, you need time and the space and-”“Renjun, what’s this about?” Jeno inquired impatiently, though he knew full well what it was about. </p><p>“Okay, here goes. Would you like to grab a drink with me sometime… you know?”</p><p>“Like… a date?” Renjun nodded, awkwardly staring at the ground.</p><p>Jeno sighed. “It’s… it’s just too soon, Renjun. I’m sorry. It’s not you!” he added quickly, “I’m just… it hasn’t even been a year… It’s too soon.”</p><p>Renjun nodded sympathetically. “I understand. Look, if you ever need a friend, I’m there. I promise not to hit on you! Actually, no. I take that back. You’re too cute not to!” Jeno gave him a disapproving look, making Renjun throw his hands up in the air in mock-defeat. “Okay, okay. No hitting on you. But if you still want to grab a platonic drink, we can. Hit me up. Cool?” </p><p>“Cool,” Jeno smiled. </p><p>The rest of the day went by as usual. Gym rats and less regular patrons came, worked out, took their IG pics, and left. Jeno worked harder than before, trying to hush the voices in his head. When it finally turned 7 P.M., he was free to leave. The crowd had started to thin out, and the sudden heavy rain had kept most of the evening usuals away. <br/><br/>Jeno showered and changed, deciding to call an Uber instead of walking home, even though it seemed pointless, given the short distance. He stepped outside, shuddering as he saw the water rushing along the sloping pavement. “Sorry, we couldn’t find you an Uber,” the app alerted him. “Of course. Peak time, too,” he muttered, carefully tucking away his phone in his jacket pocket and zipping it up.</p><p>Just as he turned to go, he noticed a familiar face on the opposite side of the road from the corner of his eye: same blond hair. Same height. Same smile. His heart skipped a beat. It couldn’t be! It just couldn’t be. It was impossible. He’d said his parting words at the wake. He’d watched as Jaemin went underground. He’d thrown in the fist full of dirt. It couldn’t be… but then he heard that familiar laugh. <br/><br/>That same cackling, trying-to-be-evil laugh he’d loved so much. The figure seemed to be on the phone, laughing and talking. Emotions rushed into Jeno, along with adrenaline. Without sparing another moment, he began to sprint.  </p><p>The rain began to beat down on him harder as he ran across the street, chasing the blond-haired figure in the crowd of umbrellas and raincoats that surrounded him. “JAEMIN! JAEMIN! STOP! JAEMIN!” he screamed, his voice breaking. He dashed across the street as cars skidded to a stop, honking madly. He didn’t pause as he chased the figure that seemed to get further and further away from him. Suddenly, the figure stopped in front of a crosswalk. <br/><br/>Jeno, slipping lightly on the wet pavement, finally caught up with the blond man,  grabbing him by the shoulder and spinning him around. His smile faltered when he glimpsed the face of the confused stranger. “YAH! Who do you think you are?” the stranger snapped, pushing Jeno away from him. <br/><br/>“Bloody crazed fools everywhere these days,” the man grumbled as the stick figure on the traffic light turned green, and began to cross.<br/><br/>Jeno doubled over and panted hard. His legs gave way to both fatigue and emotion, and he went down on his knees. Heaving, his tears streamed endlessly, mixing in with the rain that had drenched his face. </p><p>The faceless people around him carried on with their lives as Jeno, for the first time in months, shed tears once more. But then, Jeno felt cold fingers gently touch the nape of his neck, caressing it. He looked up, eyes swollen and red. The blurry world took a minute to clear, and Renjun’s face became visible. “Come. It’s time for that platonic drink.” </p><p> </p>
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